day 2: the song you would like to sing in karaoke
ok let’s get one thing straight: i will NEVER do karaoke. but the first song that came to mind was this beaut from the 80s, Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler. i looove this song.
ok let’s get one thing straight: i will NEVER do karaoke. but the first song that came to mind was this beaut from the 80s, Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler. i looove this song.
i’m totally stealing this idea from the Rabid Hole.
i don’t have any real crushes right now but the closest I have is an ex. She was my first girlfriend and she is an amaaaazing kisser. Whenever this song came on I’d tell her it was about her lips.
i have been binge watching bob’s burgers. i’ll be starting season 5 tonight. i think now is as good as any time to share some thoughts about the family of 5 who own and run a burger shop in san fransico. or ocean city, nj. or… wherever.
bob… oh, poor bob. i feel kind of bad for him. he is the most levelheaded one in the family and he seems exhausted by everyone else’s shenanigans. i’m thankful that he isn’t portrayed as the typical “dumb dad” trope.
there has been at least one solid moment that i caught so far where he basically more or less said he is bisexual and it was awesome. i’m hoping there will be more of those moments.
LINDA! i love her. she reminds me so much of me*. except she is an extrovert. she’s so happy and everything excites her and she really gets into things, y’know?. she enjoys things SO MUCH. she kinda has the “ADHD energy” i see a lot of ADHD people have sometimes. i relate to her most on the show and i didn’t need some dumb buzzfeed quiz to tell me that.
tina is iconic. i would guess she is probably the most-liked character on the show and it’s understandable. i relate 101% to her panic groans but she’s a little too boy-crazy for me to completely stan.
he is such a cool kid. he’s fun and excitable like his mom. he loves music and farts. maybe my 2nd favorite character. he is absolutely clueless about his adult humor (i think?) and i love those moments but its weird hearing it come from a kid. he makes a ton of references to him being a woman, girl, feminine… so i think if he turns out to be queer or at least a drag queen i would not be surprised and it would be awesome.
after getting over the horrible feeling of realizing she is voiced by the same woman who voiced sarah lynn in bojack horseman**, i realized i hate this vile cartoon child.
i had to look around to see if i was interpreting her correctly because when you have memory issues and you’ve been gaslit enough you question yourself a lot. so i found this description and it is totally validating:
“Precociously intelligent, manipulative, and aggressive (even towards adults), she is more than willing to exploit people if there is anything to be gained, and has a history of gaslighting her siblings, especially Tina.”–wikipedia
i know, it’s just a cartoon. but i’d rather that the character wasn’t written that way or she was a different character or just have the whole character thrown out.
overall i really like the show but binging it has kind of made it all mush into one slippery colorful cartoony mess. it’s great to have on in the background. i love the quick wit one-liners. not really into the supporting characters. they’re either annoying af or super forgettable. i’m also not a fan of the nonsensical convenient plot devices that seem to plague sitcoms but eh… what do you expct from a quick little cartoon.
have you seen the show? who is your favorite character and why is is linda?
*that sounds conceited. but i gravitate towards bubbly people. i’ve often been made to feel bad for being excitable but i’m learning to embrace it now and i love seeing it in characters and other people.
**i don’t have a problem with who voiced these characters. sarah lynn’s story was just sooooooo depressing.
My simple and straight answer to the question is NO. The music is basically free today and the internet is full of information on everything. Now, I’m talking about goth from the standpoint where it’s the music that’s most important, it’s what the entire scene is revolving around. To actually listen to bands and hear […]Is goth expensive? All the free goth stuff. — And she stumbled down the rabid hole
Minimalism is a tool to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important—so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom.The Minimalists
A nice lady in a completely unrelated Facebook group I’m in saw my blog and quickly became interested in my minimalist posts. She suggested I write more about it. That was *cough* last summer but hey, here I am!
Disclaimer: I don’t think I am The One to be talking about this. This is just how I, and many others, see minimalism. You should absolutely spend a little time looking into this, gather ideas and inspo and see if it’s right for you.
I started my minimalist journey with KonMarie back in 2015. The post is probably cringy. Don’t read it. I think that it’s worth mentioning that minimalism and KonMarie are not quite the same thing and I may get into that later. But that is still where all this began for me.
This is a debated topic in some circles but minimalism is largely seen as living without excess. It’s a tool, a mindset, a lifestyle, and *cough* an aesthetic. This post isn’t about minimalist art, design, or structure. It’s more about looking at what you own and asking yourself some questions. There aren’t any official “rules” you have to follow except the ones that you make for yourself.
The way I see it is I’d rather be invited to a smaller party with all my favorite people than a huge party with a ton of strangers and a few of my favorite people. I would rather focus on enjoying my time with the people I like the most rather than be overwhelmed amongst strangers in an effort to find my people.
Well I don’t know, how many items do you want to have? How much space do you have to work with? What is your life like? Don’t ask me! It’s going to vary, person to person. And you probably shouldn’t even count your stuff, that could get annoying. There are people who get really hung up on numbers… if it works for them, great. But that’s not the point.
There are some minimalists who live out of a backpack and hand wash their clothes every other night. Some minimalists can’t hand wash their clothes frequently and they have really messy dirty jobs or hobbies and need more clothes than some. Some minimalists have one more more hobbies that require many items. How many items you keep is going to first and foremost depend on your lifestyle.
Well it’s different for everyone. I can’t quite remember why I started on this path but I personally find that visual clutter adds to my anxiety. I also really like being able to find something quickly when I need it. It’s much less frustrating to look for an object among 25 objects than 250 objects. I think minimalism in general helps with some of my ADHD frustrations.
Other people go for minimalism so they can easily travel the world without worrying about their things. Others may do it to save money. Or for spiritual reasons. Everybody has their own reason.
Yo, I’m big on the aesthetic. It’s just that some people get a hold of the trend and try to sell on the idea that you have to have stark white walls, no furniture, certain colored things, buy only certain brands, etc. You know: people who want to make a buck or gatekeepers.
If that is what you want in your life, that’s great. But you don’t have to do that to be a minimalist. Minimalism can look so many different ways. I couldn’t stand being surrounded stark white walls and I find some furniture very handy, thank-you-very-much.
Not really? Ugh. I hear this way too much. It’s for anyone who wants to be a minimalist. Before I even knew what minimalism was I had spent good chunks of time living out of 1-2 backpacks and I had no money. I just had what I had and used that. I wasn’t buying $80 merino wool shirts. I… used what I had. I lived with various other people and was allowed to use the household things (cookware and such).
It helps to have the money to buy nicer quality things that will last longer. A quality pair of shoes will last longer than a cheap pair of shoes. It can be hard saving up for the those shoes and if you just can’t do it, I think it’s fine.
As I’ve said, minimalism doesn’t have official rules you have to follow outside of the basic idea of “live without excess”. Use that idea and make it fit your current situation.
Everything physical you own: books, electronics, trash, mail, Christmas cards, unfinished projects, finished projects, white elephant gifts, ungifted gifts, clothes, etc.
But also intangible things: Toxic relationships, digital files, e-mails, bad habits, bad foods, etc.
There are many ways to go about this! You can use one technique, or many. There are even games to make it fun. I’ll list only 3 items here.
The Moving/Packing Game: When you’ve moved into a new place, keep everything packed. Only pull out things when you need them. After a certain amount of time you gotta go do an honest poke through the boxes. Think about why you haven’t needed what you didn’t use and consider getting rid of them.
30 Day Minimizing Challenge: Not moving anytime soon? Or you are and want to lighten the load beforehand? Try throwing out 1 thing on day 1, 2 on day 2, 3 on day 3, and so forth. If you make it the whole 30 days you end up throwing away over 400 things.
The Tidy Up Challenge: OK I don’t know what to call this. I came up with it yeeeears ago and I used it before I knew minimalism was “a thing”. It’s pretty similar to the Packing game but a little more chill and my speed.
Fine an area that needs to be
taken down a notch minimized. This can be an entire room, one wall, or even just a shelf or desk. Remove EVERYTHING from that area. EVERYTHING! And then think about how you want that area to serve you, what you want it to look like. Go through all the items you removed and find the items that will make that area work out for you. Put nothing else there.
All that leftover stuff? If I was a hard ass I’d tell you to blindly ditch it. But I say: do a little poking around and be honest with yourself. Put those things where they belong…. in the trash, in someone else’s hands, in a different room, on a different shelf, etc.
You can start googling “minimalism”, hitting up hashtags on social media, join /r/minimalism. If it seems like something you can benefit from you can start minimizing. Be honest with yourself about what you need and truly love to have in your life. Strip yourself down to your ideal minimalist state.
This process helped me to realize how much I really really love alternative fashion (the pandemic helped with that as well). It helped me to realize how much I don’t really enjoy drawing or painting. I know now not to buy those supplies. I do enjoy doing collage, off and on. I also came to appreciate my absolute pure lust for hand knit socks. I love looking at hand knit socks, looking at yarn, knitting them, wearing them, planning outfits around them. So I now know to steer clear or painting/drawing supplies, I know to keep collage material on hand, and I allow myself to stock up on sock yarn and patterns.
I hope this was useful to at least one curious soul out there!
OK so my back has been fucky for about a week now. I haven’t had an injury like this for quite awhile, probably because I’ve been extra inactive, therefor I am extra weak.
I had cleaned half the tub the week before and spent a few days with one side of my back suffering consequences. When that was better I prepared a lot of boxes to take out to recycling and a day or 2 later the other side of my back started hurting, but like in a terrible “You actually injured something and it keeps seizing and making it hard to walk” kind of way.
Standing and leaning are the worst for it but for some reason I can crawl around on the floor just fine? Also squatting is a huge no-no.
So I need to build some core strength. I hope it will help me not to be in so much pain after doing chores. So I was thinking I should get back into Ashtanga yoga. But I remembered how weak and pathetic my arms and legs are so here is what’s happening, with lots of corner cutting to accommodate for my back problem:
Pre-workout Ashtanga.. for as long as I can stand it (first day I only lasted maybe 7 minutes, 2nd day I got to nearly 12). Some of this seems to help my back a little bit.
Then I take a break and work on some stretching to help any problem areas. Right now my problem area is the weird thing in my lower back and I found this video helps it feel better.
And then I do the daily challenge for Chloe Ting’s 2 week shred challenge.
And then I do maybe a little bit more friendly stretches to cool down, all nice ‘n easy-like.
Then I was thinking of tossing something kind of chill to do at my leisure throughout the rest of my day. Like today I did my arms and I can already tell it’s going to help me build some strength. I love the wall pushups! I wish I knew about those sooner.
I think I’ll also toss in some of this since I have to do a lot of laying around anyway.
Anyway, I went ahead and took some starting measurements but I don’t think I’ll keep track of it. I’ll be able to feel my progress as I exercise. Since my focus is leaning more towards core rather than limbs then I’ll toss the limb work for now if I need to.
Have you gotten weak and doughy lately as well? Have you made any plans to do any exercising? I’d like to hear about it down below.
To explain my 2020 I need to explain what happened in the summer of 2019: I realized I have The Big Gay (I still need to make a post about this). The problem here is I have been married to a man. And I have no job. And I have some shitty issues so I can’t currently support myself.
I haven’t had a job in a long time and it’s not for lack of wanting one, or lack of trying. I readily admit that I gave up ages ago and fell into a cozy housespouse role. I found that it has been beneficial for my mental and physical health and I realize how insanely lucky I am and I am thunkful every single fucking day.
So this Gay Revelation was the catalyst for trying to become a Productive Member of Society. I started taking a good hard long look at my fucking issues and paying attention to how they affect my life. Sure I’ve got anxiety and depression and leaving the house on my own makes me feel panicky and like I’m actually going to puke. Those seem like totally treatable things but they seemed kind of surface level.
I don’t remember how anymore but I somehow found myself peeking into the online autism world and finding myself relating. I looked into it pretty hard and realized it probably wouldn’t be worth getting a diagnosis and I am pushing 40 so I didn’t think this needed to be pursued. Then at some point, somehow, I realized that I may have ADHD.
When this realization dawned on me it was like this click. A puzzle piece. A big ol cosmic click of a cosmic puzzle piece. I had no clue what ADHD really was before so it wasn’t something I thought I had before. I took a pile of online quizzes and stalked the online community and omgwtf. This became my mission: Getting diagnosed. And I did so early this year.
This revelation was so validating. So empowering. And so… depressing. There is no fucking cure, of course. There’s a ton of stigma behind ADHD and I’ve seen countless people say they have to hide it to get employed or to keep their job. I immediately got on Adderall and it absolutely changed my life.
I decided to take this opportunity to (try) to focus, yet again, on learning to program. With the help of Adderall I made more progress with Python in 6 months than I did in 10 fucking years. I found it also took the edge off my depression and anxiety and it makes me more relaxed. Things were really looking up… until I realized that I still hate programming. It’s so boring. There is no part of it that is compatible with the way I think, no part that clicks with me. There is no enjoyable part of it except seeing errors go away.
A few months ago I decided to try a different form (XR) to hopefully make my days a bit better but it did absolutely nothing for me. Now the pandemic is so bad it’s not worth risking to go pick up my IR refill. I have been thinking about shifting my job studies to something like web design. I used to love doing web design way back in the day. Was I ever good at it? Fuck no. But I enjoyed it.
But the stress from the pandemic and not having my Adderall… super not helpful. So now I’m kind of…. lost.
Which comes to something that came up just this week: a good friend of mine is trying to convince me I have narcolepsy with cataplexy.
OK HOLD ON. I don’t think I actually have it but I think she’s on to something. As we talked it was really incredibly nice having someone to relate to as far as sleep issues go. I have had my sleep issues my entire life but I never addressed them. Much like the ADHD thing I just thought I was lazy or normal whatever. But naw, this shit ain’t normal. I know something is wrong so with that…
So for 2021, when things are less… pandemic-y… I’m going to go see a sleep specialist. Who knows, maybe I do have narcolepsy. Or sleep apnea. Or both. Or something else. In any case, if I can get to the bottom of this it’s possible to improve the quality of my life and improve my chances of Building a Foundation for Success.
So here’s the shit that makes my friend (not me, not a doc, just my friend) thinks I have narcolepsy:
So yeah, there might be more but honestly I’m so tired right now it’s hard trying to be organized. But yeah, I’m going to see a sleep specialist and see what can be done.
(whoops, ADHD strike again. I wrote 98% of this post around the same time I wrote my first ADHD post and then ADHD and pandemic happened. I’ll go ahead and polish this turd and post it now. Just pretend this took place right before fit hit the shan)
So when I did my ADHD testing I was basically given the same test I had seen online in a couple places. There were some things I wasn’t super clear on which is probably why my psych said I had “borderline” ADHD. Now I understand things a bit better. Here are my responses and thoughts on the test questions.
How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done?
Often or very often. It’s taken me a long time to realize that I’m not a “details” person and after being diagnosed and learning about ADHD it all makes so much sense. Trying to do final details is really hard to do, if I even think to do them.
How often do you have difficulty getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organization?
Sometimes, maybe often? I feel like I always forget something. It’s pretty frustrating but I feel like everyone will typically forget something.
How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?
Rarely for appointments because I don’t have appointments very often and when there is one it’s something horrible like a dentist appoint. I will hyperfocus, I guess, on it the day of and make sure that I’m not late.
For obligations… I often or very often forget those 😦
When you have a task that requires a lot of thought, how often do you avoid or delay getting started?
I’d say… often. I get really turned off by the idea of projects that require a lot of thought because I know it’ll be frustrating. I can just picture the hot mess of trying to do it. Trying to organize it, stay on task, understand it, etc. Now I think this is all because of ADHD.
It often doesn’t even help if the thing is something that I’m super into and know a lot about.
I often don’t get things started unless it’s just spontaneously. It’s so hard to plan to do something or just consciously decide to do it. I just wait for it to happen.
How often do you fidget or squirm with your hands or feet when you have to sit down for a long time?
How often do you feel overly active and compelled to do things, like you were driven by a motor?
I didn’t understand this question when I saw it so I either answered “never” or “rarely”. Now I know what it means and I would answer “often”. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t get much at all done if it wasn’t for that “driven by a motor” thing. I touched on this idea above.
How often do you make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project?
How often do you have difficulty keeping your attention when you are doing boring or repetitive work?
If “Every. Single. Fucking. Time.” was an option, I’d pick that. This is one of my biggest life struggles and I think why I haven’t gotten anywhere with life.
How often do you have difficulty concentrating on what people say to you, even when they are speaking to you directly?
Very often. This is another big thing that has impacted my life dramatically. It doesn’t matter how much I like the person or even what they’re talking about. And it often upsets me. It’s so, so horrible.
You know in the Peanuts cartoon how adults sound to kids? Yeah that’s a pretty close approximation.
How often do you misplace or have difficulty finding things at home or at work?
Sometimes? Often? It depends on whats going on. The less stressed I am and more relaxed and chill I can be, the more this happens and it sucks. I have found minimalism to help some.
How often are you distracted by activity or noise around you?
Very often. It sucks. It’s that whole “squirrel!” stereotype. Ugh.
How often do you leave your seat in meetings or other situations in which you are expected to remain seated?
For this I said “never”. I may want to leave my seat, but I don’t.
How often do you feel restless or fidgety?
Often/Very Often. And I feel like some times are worse than other times.
How often do you have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when you have time to yourself?
Very often! I find it very hard to relax. I’ve marveled at how other people seem to be able to relax and I wonder how to do it. Maybe I am relaxing and don’t know it? Yeah, let’s go ahead and overthink whether I’m relaxing or not…
How often do you find yourself talking too much when you are in social situations?
Rarely. I think? Once I get started on something I can really get going. I used to be teased for being The Quiet One. There have certainly been moments when I felt like I couldn’t shut up.
When you’re in a conversation, how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you are talking to, before they can finish them themselves?
I’d say sometimes? I really hate being interrupted so I’m pretty careful about doing it to other people. I think I might do it about the same, or less than your everyday, garden variety person.
How often do you have difficulty waiting your turn in situations when
turn taking is required?
This one was worded slightly different on the test the doctor gave me. It gave examples like waiting at a crosswalk and waiting in line. I got locked in on those examples so I scored myself very low on it. Now after learning more about this… yeah, I have issues waiting. So I would score that higher, maybe at “often”.
How often do you interrupt others when they are busy?
I really hate interrupting people! So I often find myself trying not to. Uh… I can’t remember what I scored on this, I think it was “sometimes”. This is a hard one.
I don’t know, man. This is just a fun post. I think Ride or Die items are pretty fun.
What is a Ride or Die item? I consider it my favorite thing, something that I love so much that I would buy it again if I had to, as soon as I could. It’s something I get a lot of use out of and find myself recommending to other people and sometimes people even wonder where I got the thing. These are top notch, stand-out items.
Am I misusing the term? Probably. But there’s a pandemic so let’s go with it.
Yeah so I have a zillion dresses because I’m a dressaholic. I have some suuuuper cute dresses. Some of them are hard to find. Some of them originally cost a lot. All of them are fantastic quality. But this dress… this thin af flowy cotton dress is the tits.
You can dress it uppish or down, style it in so many ways, add a cardigan and belt, and it goes with different footwear. It’s great for horribly hot weather. It’s easy enough to put layers under for warmth. Floral print is best print. I can sit in really weird twisted ways and not risk flashing anything.
When it eventually gets ripped up because it’s so thin, it can be recycled into dusting rags!
Essence Lash Princess. This is the one mascara I have bought again and again. My one redeeming feature are my lashes so I really like to play them up and this shit does it. It’s easy enough to do a nice light layer but also it’s pretty buildable. The brush is easy to use and the packaging is my colors: black and purple! Last I checked it’s cruelty free, and they don’t have excessive packaging and it’s easy enough to find online, usually around $5!
I’d also like to note that not only is this my favorite mascara but mascara in general in my favorite kind of makeup, so that’s a 2-for-1 for ya.
Instant Pot. So I don’t know how to cook like a normal person anymore. If you asked me to make you some pasta on the stovetop I would probably mildly panic while running to Chef Google. I would take a bullet for this thing. Maybe even multiple bullets.
I hate standing around minding pots and pans and it’s just safer for me and the surrounding neighbors if I don’t. I thrive on that Set It and Forget It lifestyle. I can dump a bunch of delicious shit in here and let it cook and BAM it’s done.
Y.R.U. Aura booties. *internal screaming* I love these boots so hard. It took me months to decide to buy them and I’m glad I finally did.
Comfort 8.5/10 (but after a long day of tons of walking/standing they are NOT comfortable)
ok this one is just unfair I’ll get back to you on that one
Mystic City Corsets 61. I still haven’t broken this bitch in. But she is an obvious fav. She is super sturdy and beautiful and well fitted (from what I can tell, I bought her to close but we’ve got a ways to go). She doesn’t really go with my clothes but she is very nice to stealth in.
If you’re considering waist training, check out my post here!
Goth! There’s a ton of music I love and rock in general is my fav, but goth rock is specifically my favorite. Check out my favorite songs here.
Killstar Magica Fringe Handbag. Ok this is a tough one. I don’t buy many purses. I’m super picky and I just don’t like having more than maybe 2 at a time. So my favorite purse is mostly going to be whatever one I have at the time. Right now I have 2 and it’s almost impossible to pick but I’ll go with my Killstar purse… if only because it’s a bit more versatile than my other one.
It’s got a gothic vibe. It’s got a “hippie/boho” vibe. It’s got a “witchy” vibe. It’s easy to pin and hook things onto it. It’s roomy but not too big. It’s attention grabbing (my least favorite part, believeitornot). Are there better purses out there? I’m sure there are but I ain’t payin’ for them.
Psychology in Seattle. This was a very difficult one. I’ve always had a hard time getting into podcasts but I fell in love with one last year and recently fell for another one. I’m going to have to pick the recent one only because my ADHD loves new things.
I love this podcast because the host, Doctor Kirk Honda, is so easy to listen to. His voice is wonderful, warm, and soothing. He’s easy to follow. He’s down to earth but obviously very knowledgable. He explains things very well. He makes lengthy episodes and you can tell he puts in actual effort. And finally: he’s a little bit dorky.
I’m lumping his YouTube channel in with the podcast category because to me it’s mostly the same thing.
Wow. Where do I even begin?
On my FB page I’ve been posting a bunch of stuff supporting black businesses and individuals. I’ve posted a little bit on my IG (it feels clunky to do there but I’ll do more). It’s been such a crazy week I… I still don’t know what I’m doing. So I’ll share some of the things I’ve found along the way.
I’ll try to remember to add more later.